i am quotes funny

There are no traffic jams along the extra mile. I Am The Architect Of My Life.

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Work until your bank account looks like a phone number.

. Which often looks like. Milne Winnie The Pooh. Youre in mint condition for a vintage model.

I am the shortest and least funny person in my family. It is useful to have it but not necessary to show it off. I Am Coming On Strong.

I Am Courageous And I Stand Up For Myself. Being the Cool Girl means I am a hot brilliant funny woman who adores football poker dirty jokes and burping who plays video games drinks cheap beer loves threesomes and anal sex and jams hot dogs and hamburgers into her mouth like shes hosting the worlds biggest culinary gang bang while somehow maintaining a size 2 because Cool Girls are above all hot. Of arrogance Germany doesnt want to go to war and the three most powerful men in America.

Dont let life win without a fight. You know youve reached middle age when youre cautioned to slow down by your doctor instead of by the police. I give myself sometimes admirable advice but I.

Go to Heaven for the climate Hell for the company. I Am Quotes To Build Confidence Overcome Fear. Its just that in person Im not quite the way I am on paper.

Before you marry a person you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet to see who they really are. Knowledge is like underwear. Lailah Gifty Akita.

When nothing goes right Go left. A clear conscience is a sure sign of a bad memory. You will surely love these hilarious and a little bit sarcastic quotes.

Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work. Dont be so humble you are not that great. Common sense is like deodorant.

Even if you are on the right track youll get run over if you just sit there. Black Holes are where God divided by zero. Just because I rock doesnt mean I am made of stone.

Youll never reach it. And try to find somebody whos life gives them vodka and have a party. I am a queen because I know how to govern myself.

You know youre getting old when the candles cost more than the cake. Life moves pretty fast. I found there was only one way to look thin.

Check out these funny sayings from inspiring personalities. I Am Calm And Relaxed. People say nothing is impossible but I do nothing every day.

I Am More Confident And Self-Assured Than Ever. We print the highest quality i am not avoiding you. Best of Funny Inspirational Quotes.

Youve got to do whats right for you even if it hurts some people you love. But youre not as old as youre going to be. Conversely guys want one thing from a lot of girls.

Shop i am not avoiding you funny quotes stickers created by independent artists from around the globe. The more you weight the harder you are to kidnap. Hang out with fat people.

If life gives you lemons you should make lemonade. Funny Motivational Quotes. Have no fear of perfection.

Theres never enough time to do all the nothing you want. If you think you are too small to make a difference try sleeping with a mosquito. There is no try.

You cant live your life for other people. This suspense is terrible. I solemnly swear i am up to no good especially when i am all alone with you.

I am a gay writer but I am also a Scottish writer and some days a lazy writer or a funny writer. Food water and compliments. These simple cool quotes are all super short which makes them great for captions.

Girls want a lot of things from one guy. When life knocks me down I just get back up and say is that all you got Unknown. God gave us our relatives.

Political correctness is tyranny with manners. I hope it will last. Let the world see your pearly whites.

Do or do not. Yoda from Star Wars. The secret of staying young is to live honestly eat slowly and lie about your age.

May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house. From The Notebook. A day without laughter is a day wasted.

Quotes tagged as funny Showing 1-30 of 8903 You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy the best golfer is a black guy the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese the Swiss hold the Americas Cup France is accusing the US. The people who need it most never use it. There are only three things that women need in life.

I Build My Own Foundation And I Choose My Own Bricks. Always remember that you are unique just like everybody else. I Am Bold And Brave.

12th of 60 Funny Motivational Quotes. Yes I am weird weird is good. Life is a blank canvass and you need to throw all the paint on it you can.

Never test the depth of the water with both feet. Stay safe eat cake.

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